the plunge

Posted on January 31, 2009



I’m a man!

I’m a strong, independent, American man!!!

At least that’s what I’ve been told I’m supposed to be….

But what is inside this man?

When I look into the murky, dark waters of my subconscious, what is there? Anything?

America has created this hollow male syndrome.

What you see is what you get . . . and not a bit more!

I can charge through life accomplishing my goals, but can I slow down to see the beauty? Can I slow down enough to listen to people? To get to know my children? My friends? Myself? What IS below this surface?

As I stand and gaze into the murky, dark waters, I part the layer of scum on the surface looking directly at the waters.

What do I see? Staring back at me is a reflection of ME. You mean I can’t see beneath the surface by just staring at it? I have to take a plunge below that dark surface in order to see what’s below?

What is below the surface? What subconscious monsters lie in wait of this conscious intruder?

Or is there really nothing there at all??? Am I hollow, too?

I know I’ve buried some very intense, painful, desperate things down there, but do I have the courage to explore my subconscious netherworld? And face the demons, the strongholds, the shadows, the darkness?

It is only by having the courage to take the plunge, decending past the surface of the waters, to the depths of the pain and despair that I’ve buried there, that I can face my demons…that I can understand the undertow that sometimes pulls me under, plunging me unsuspectingly into despair… depression.

Only by facing it, can I begin to understand what I have locked up deep inside.

Only by facing it, can I begin to understand the underlying forces that can tend to derail me, blind-side me, send me into a spiral, or cause me to act in ways that are unpredictable or surprising.

I must face my deepest feelings, name them, befriend them, laugh at them, laugh with them, and strip them of their power over me.

It is all me. Much of me is repressed in my subconscious (especially being an American male).

The more I can bring this out, the more integrated and authentic I can become.

This is the work I am doing in this blog and in the quiet places of my life.

This is at the heart of living with integrity.