fighting the rain

Posted on October 14, 2011

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I went for my daily one-hour meditative walk today… it was raining. Oh well. I really wanted to walk. I really needed to walk today.

Then I started noticing my countanence. I was habitually resisting the rain. My eyes were squinting, tightening up my cheeks, my nose muscles, my forehead. When I tried to relax, I naturally went back to this position of resistance.

Why do I fight?

As I relaxed and walked I found myself enjoying the rain.

Then I noticed the veiled light of the sky. The light is still there. The light goes on forever. The light did not have the brilliance of a clear day of sunshine, but the light was still there, even in the rain. What veiled the light? It was the rain as it gathered in the cloud until it burst; weeping on the earth its life-giving manna. Without the rain, what then?

Why do I fight?

The light is always there, through the storms, disasters, and through rain; waiting to shine on us again.

Why do I fight?

As it rained harder, I could have turned around. But instead I am finding myself being projected from this earth into another level of existence; another world of awareness. At the same time, an equal and opposite force is happening. I am delving deeply into this present moment; more present, more alive, moment by moment, step by step, drop by drop.

Instead of bowing my head in the rain to protect my face from the cool autumn rain, I am finding myself lifting my head into the rain… desiring to feel the rain, each drop. My eyes, no longer squinting, are relaxed, although partially closed to protect them.

I notice a perpetual smile on my face; a natural result of letting go and letting come. As I no longer resist this natural part of the human existence… I smile. I am free. Free to feel. Free to experience life to the fullest… all of life.

Why do I fight life? The inevitable. I fight what I fear. I fight what is uncomfortable. I fight what I don’t understand. Why is my response to life so often fight or flight? Why run? Why evade and avoid life? Why can’t I stand up? … facing and embracing life, all of it? Why do I need to understand? Why do I need certainty? Why do I need comfortableness? Don’t I know that there is nothing to fear but fear itself? Why not live?

I turn on my music and enjoy the rhythm… of the walk, of the music, of the rain… lost in each wet moment… quietly singing in the rain.

As I encounter people scurrying in the rain, from the rain, ducking into cars and under eaves, those that caught my eye… stared… puzzled. Then I pass a beautiful black teenage girl, walking toward me, perfectly wet, like me. We lock eyes for a moment, both smiling, in understanding. I say, “Nice day for a walk.” Her smile grows even bigger.

In synchronicity, a song overtook me, the lyrics of which have been intriguing me for over a year, the lyrics of which have kept me baffled while intrigued. The song is Grave Digger by the Dave Matthews Band.

“Grave Digger, when you dig my grave, will you make it shallow, so that I can feel the rain?”

… mournfully and desperately sung with great energy and sincerity.

I knew there was truth buried in that song but until today, I could not unearth it. Today I caught a glimpse. Could it be, that after we stop the fight, no longer resisting death as it overcomes us, passing over into another realm, could it be that we will wish for the rain, longing for a taste of this life again?

Longing for life in its fullness

The darkness and the light

The shadows and the sunshine

The chill and the warmth

The cold and the hot

The wind and the stillness

The noise and the silence

The sadness and the happiness

The grief and the joy

The tears and the smiles.

Why do I fight?

When I hurt, why do I fight?

When I don’t understand, why do I fight?

When I’m lonely, why do I fight?

When I am depressed, why do I fight?

I believe that each of us is exactly where we are meant to be, right here, right now.

When I fight, what am I missing that is being given to me right now?

What treasures lie in the rain, in the darkness, in the sadness, in the pain?

What am I missing?

All I have is this present moment. Nothing else.

The past is gone.

The future is not here.

There is nothing else but now.

Dive deeply into each moment.

Sing in the rain.

And notice the perpetual smile coming from deep within.

And lock eyes with those that understand that smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There is something to be learned

from a rainstorm.

When meeting with a sudden shower,

you try not to get wet

and run quickly along the road.

When doing such things as

passing under the eaves of houses,

you still get wet.

When you are resolved

from the beginning,

you will not be perplexed;

though you will still get

the same soaking.

This understanding extends to all things.

(Samuri saying by Tsunetomo Yamamoto)

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