through the facade

Posted on April 21, 2012


Suppose… just suppose that life might not be so much about “what’s right” and “what’s wrong” as it is about “what is in the heart”, learning to listen to what life is telling us, and living according to the light we have been given? Suppose… just suppose that there is more to life than what meets the eye? What if it is all about going deeper?

What if? Life is more than what we see?
What if? The deeper things of life are where we find meaning?
What if? Life doesn’t unfold in a way that lines up with our expectations?
What if? Life doesn’t happen according to our hopes and dreams, or our espoused values?
What if? The cultural values that were so solidly engrained were systematically unravelled by life?
What if? Those things we thought were so important for us to hold on to… turn to sand in our grasp?

What if? We find an undercurrent pulling us in the opposite direction of everything visible and tangible that we can see?
What if? Truth is so elusive because we are taught to look in all the easy, tangible, and visible places?
What if? This truth pulled us deeper into darkness, silence, and mystery instead of upwards into the clouds; like we want to believe?
What if? The direction of God is down, down to the ground of our being, deep within; not up to the heavens?

Is it possible? that truth can only be found by seeking it with all one’s heart… within one’s heart?
Is it possible? that truth was never meant to be found out there somewhere?
Is it possible? that truth was never meant to be found… easily… or conveniently?
Is it possible? that there is “that of God” in each person, and herein lies truth… to be quiet and listen?
Is it possible? that it is not our assertions and assumptions, but only our questions, our openness, that lead us deeper into the realm of truth?
Is it possible? that this “realm of truth” is where the great questions of life lead us only into further and deeper questions?great question - snow
Is it possible? that this realm is not a realm of clearer knowledge, but a more elusive deeper knowing?
Is it possible? that this realm is not a world of words and ideas but a sort of intuitive resonating within one’s whole being?
Is it possible? that we can meet others in that “realm of truth”, beyond ideas, philosophies, and religious beliefs; in a place of peace, where differences blend into a mosaic of humanity, a reflection of the colorful beauty of all creation?

Could it be… that there is more to life than what we think we know?

“Out beyond ideas
of wrongdoing and rightdoing
there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.”

I have always liked to write and have at times picked up the pen and written poetry and other thoughts down. But for some reason, in 2006, I felt a compulsion to take up the discipline of writing, a sort of journaling, but not so much in the traditional sense of a diary. First of all, I do not like to write with pen and paper. My handwriting is atrocious and it makes my hands hurt. I have become so accustomed to typing on a computer that I just could not bring myself to write in the “old fashioned” way, on paper. I had heard of blogging and was intrigued but had no real sense of what it was or what one might put in a blog. But suddenly it occured to me one day as the compulsion to write grew stronger that I could set up a blog and just use it to write. That way I could always go back to it from any computer. And I could share it if I ever decided to. So with no more instruction than the compulsion to write, I set up a blog. I think it was Yahoo’s first blog that I found. It has since been discontinued. Once that happened I was able to import that blog content into WordPress, where I continue to write to date; is where I have been housing my thoughts.
I didn’t have any interest in sharing it for a long time. It was several years before it was discovered. My grandmother became my first blog fan. I caught her printing it out one day… 60 pages later… “But everytime I read it I get something new out of it so I wanted it on paper.” Thank you Grandma. I miss you. And hopefully you are still a reader of my blog from the other side of death.

I had no idea what I was doing at first, just writing what was bouncing around in my head; bouncing ideas that might have significance somehow, getting them out so I could lay those things to rest. As I continued to blog, I found that I had deep unanswered questions and real disonance in my life. Things weren’t really making sense. There were so many things that I just accepted to be true because I have been told they are true.

This was very puzzling and disconcerting to me. Why is life making less and less sense? Why do I have less answers now than I did when I was younger? What is going on here? As I wrote, I was able to dig deeper into these questions. I found that I had been living life on the surface and didn’t even know it. My compulsion to write, it became clear, was really a compulsion to go deeper. To learn to see what is real and what is part of my facade. To learn to See, period. I had been sleeping, looking at only what is visible, hearing only what is audible; but not listening deeper to the heart beneath the words, to the essence behind the facade, to life itself calling to me. Not Seeing deeper past the facade to what is real. Listening, Seeing, and experiencing life from the heart, I’ve found, is a whole new way of being.

Each of these blog entries is another step deeper, through the facade, into what? At that time, I had no idea… and now I am still discovering… with open eyes and open mind and open heart… full of wonder… and neverending questions to a neverending story…

Next: Who Am I?