Don’t give advice unless you are asked

Posted on March 29, 2016


* Don’t give advice unless you are asked
PLEASE. Offer advice ONLY when you are asked.
ALWAYS in real life but also in social media.
That’s the way life works!


* Don’t give advice unless you are asked
I am weary of argumentation, opinionation, being right – making wrong.
If we seek to live in this world of created diversity,
then we must learn, that in the midst of diverse thinking, beliefs, values, and perspectives,
we must seek common ground rather than dissension.

* Don’t give advice unless you are asked
To seek dissension is to seek war,
To seek common ground is to seek peace.
* Don’t give advice unless you are asked
If we wish to nurture enemies,
then we can assert our rightness,
making others wrong in our dogma,
our bull-headedness,
our thoughtlessness,
our mindlessness
our carelessness.

* Don’t give advice unless you are asked
If we seek kinship, we must learn to seek common ground.
We must learn to offer advice ONLY when we are asked.

* Don’t give advice unless you are asked
When confused and in doubt, seek common ground.
We are all brothers and sisters, created in the image of God.

***In social media, I NEVER post on facebook, seeking argument.
This is not a platform for argument.
I use facebook as a platform for peace,
for common ground
for common good.
Each time I post

it is with thoughtfulness

and prayerfulness.

It is something that has significantly

deepened my perspective

or deepened my thinking.
If you disagree, then walk away… let it go!
Post your disagreement on your own page.
I will not stomp my dissent (my small-mindedness) all over your page, I promise.
Because I honor and respect you and your deepest values and beliefs.

Please honor and respect me and my deepest values and beliefs.

I seek resonance. I seek oneness. I seek common ground. I seek peace. I seek love.
This is truth…

This is deep truth…

This is ancient truth…

that works for all…

Parker Palmer on Advice Giving

“In the face of our deepest questions — the kind we are invited to explore in circles of trust — our habit of advising each other reveals its shadow side. If the shadow could speak its logic, I think it would say something like this: ‘If you take my advice, you will surely solve your problem. If you take my advice but fail to solve your problem, you did not try hard enough. If you fail to take my advice, I did the best I could. So I am covered. No matter how things come out, I no longer need to worry about you or your vexing problem.’ The shadow behind the ‘fixes’ we offer for issues that we cannot fix is, ironically, the desire to hold each other at bay. It is a strategy for abandoning each other while appearing to be concerned. Perhaps this explains why one of the most common laments of our time is that ‘no one really sees me, hears me or understands me.’

“When you speak to me about your deepest questions, you do not want to be fixed or saved: you want to be seen and heard, to have your truth acknowledged and honored. If your problem is soul-deep, your soul alone knows what you need to do about it, and my presumptuous advice will only drive your soul back into the woods. So the best service I can render when you speak to me about such a struggle is to hold you faithfully in a space where you can listen to your inner teacher.

“But holding you that way takes time, energy, and patience. As the minutes tick by, with no outward sign that anything is happening for you, I start feeling anxious, useless, and foolish, and I start thinking about all the other things I have to do. Instead of keeping the space between us open for you to hear your soul, I fill it up with advice, not so much to meet your needs as to assuage my anxiety and get on with my life. Then I can disengage from you, a person with a troublesome problem, while saying to myself, ‘I tried to help’. I walk away feeling virtuous. You are left feeling unseen and unheard.”
(Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness, p.117-118)